the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
