Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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