I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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