They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
