What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
