My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
