Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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