she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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