I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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