so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
