we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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