I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
