I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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