I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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