You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
