Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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