Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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