I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.