i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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