my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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