I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
