She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It all started with a game of naked twister.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
