I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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