I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
