thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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