Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
