Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
nutella sex= disaster
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize