She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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