if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
