ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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