After last night, I could never be a politician.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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