I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she woke up with a sticky ear
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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