i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
