I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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