Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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