It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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