Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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