is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I believe in your delicious
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
