i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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