11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
