i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i now understand why vodka
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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