2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
