Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
