Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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