I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She told me I should be a condom model.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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