I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
