You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
