My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
