the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
