i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
