Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
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The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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