I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
