happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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