You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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