adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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