did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize