I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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