i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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