i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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