the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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