Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
