Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
