I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Two words: nipple clamps
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