god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
