Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
