We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
