Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize