i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
