your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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