My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
