I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
