I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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